“How’s your married life?” is the question I was most frequently asked after I got married. You read that correctly, I got married two months ago on August 8, 2015. Thanks be to God that the wedding went so smoothly. Thank you to everyone who helped us out on that day.
Do you want to have the quick answer or the long one? Quick answer is - “NO DIFFERENT” at all. If there were differences right after I said “YES” in front of the altar, then somebody, either my wife or I, was lying before ceremony! There were definitely no differences. She did not gain weight right away, thank God! However, after I answered this question too quickly, I realised immediately that if there are no differences, why did I get marry? Wow, that is a bigger mystery.
My wife and I never lived together before we were married. She came to my place from time to time for movies, board games and supper. I thought I knew enough of her habits and living style. However, once we began to live together, it was a completely another story. We have different way of washing dishes, doing laundry, cleaning, etc. In the first two weeks, I was a little frustrated with her way of doing things, which is not my way. I was frustrated because I had always thought that my way was the best way.
Whenever I feel frustrated, I always go back to prayer. At that small moment, a bible passage passed through my mind:
“For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. So they are no longer two but one flesh” (Mark 10:6–8).
So, we are now one flesh, right? A new baby was born and is now called “Mr. and Mrs. Chan.” My brain flashed back to the engagement period. We prepared for our new life - we got a new bank account, searched for a new place, bought new furniture...etc. The day August 8, 2015 was the birthday of little Mr. and Mrs. Chan. We had our wedding in a church and we promised to each other that we would live together and love each other forever unconditionally.
When it comes to a newborn baby, they also need to learn how to walk, to talk, to eat, to control emotions, to solve problems … then later on to do homework, to help washing dishes, to do laundry… etc.
Wait a minute, the newborn baby "Mr. and Mrs. Chan” is also doing the same thing. Instead of one learning, now it is both of us ‘together’ learning. We need to learn how to walk together, to talk together, to make supper together, to control emotions together, to solve problem together… We need to love each other as ourselves. Of course, we are now one flesh, we need to love ourselves, so each other and that also means oneself… ahhhhh… anyway, point is... I need to love my wife and my wife needs to love me!
In conclusion, an early married couple is basically just like a newborn baby. We will need to learn from scratch. It is ok for a baby to make mistakes, in fact, is is expected! Likewise, it is necessary for a couple to forgive one another when they mistakes. Babies need encouragement and the same goes for a newborn couple! So, when you see us next time, please encourage us!
So, when somebody asks me next “how’s your married life?”, my answer will be “Go read my blog please!
Billy Chan, a former radio host and motivational speaker, spent the past ten years working with youth in Montreal. He enjoys using humour to illustrate his relationship with God. In his blog, you will find reflections on his experience with youth ministry and his special way of working with youth today.