在我的成長過程中，我並沒有認真考慮過成為神父。雖然我在高中時確實參加過幾次聖召活動，但這為當時的我並不是什麼重要的事情：我主要將其視為上主在未來可能為我的眾多選擇之一。當我升到12年級時，我立志要成為兒科醫生——我的結論是，我青少年時期對宗教生活的反思只是我經歷過的「階段」。

因此，我入讀多倫多大學的生物化學系，希望能進入醫學院。我希望成為一名醫生，有一日會結婚並建立家庭。在整個第一年​​裡，這就是我每天的生活：在學業上，我夠成績以至於我有可能進入醫學院就可以了，然後我開始對一位年輕女士產生興趣。正如大部分人一樣，成為神父並不在我生活中最重要的200或300項優先事項之內。

在大學時，我不再認為神父是天主對我的召叫，因為我看不到神職人員的美好之處：在我的腦海中，我知道神職人員很重要，因為有神父才讓我們有彌撒可參與及領受修和聖事。直至大學二年級，我的聖召故事正式開始，因為那時天主開始介入，向我展示做神父的美好之處。

大學時期，我是住在學生宿舍的。在第二年秋季學期結束時，我完成了學期試，由於已經接近12月尾了，所以第二天已沒有課堂了。回到宿舍後，我做了大多數大學生都會做的「慶祝活動」（如果他們不參加派對的話），就是把自己鎖在房間裡，整晚都在看 YouTube。我是個愛好體育的人，所以我看了一個接一個的精彩片段。奇怪的是，在深夜的某個時刻，旁邊的推薦欄上突然彈出了一段聖召影片。這是我高中時看過的，所以裡面沒有什麼讓我感到驚喜的內容。那時已經快凌晨三時了，由於第二天我沒有任何事情安排去做，所以我按下影片觀看了。

讓我驚訝的是，在影片播放到一半的時候，出現了馬爾谷福音第6章34節的一句話：

不知道是出於什麼原因，這句話給我留下了非常深刻的印象，我發現自己在手提電腦前哭泣。我不知道自己為什麼會有這樣的反應，但我被深深感動了。

然而，我並不認為這是天主邀請我去成為神父。 恰巧，我剛剛接任為堂區青年組的領袖之一，所以我認為這是天主對我的邀請，要我做好這個服務。我決定把這件「感動」的事情拋在腦後，繼續像往常一樣生活。

當然，這不是天主想要的。

幾個月後，我發現自己在一幅精美的耶穌聖心像前祈禱—這幅畫像看起來就像祂正凝視著你，並穿透你的靈魂。當我凝視著他，祂也看著我時，突然間，在一秒鐘之內，所有我在堂區服務的青年人的面孔都在我的腦海中閃現，我聽到了一個聲音在我的心內響起：「在將來，這些羊將沒有牧人。誰來照顧他們？」我記得我再次被那次經歷所觸動，並發現自己再次流淚。

不過，就像第一次一樣，我並不認為這是做司鐸的召叫。當時我擔任堂區青年組領袖的任期是一年，之後可以再次辨別天主是否要求他再連任一年。我認為這件事意味著天主要我做多一年，所以我決定連任。於是，我再次將這件事拋諸腦後，繼續像往常一樣生活。

跟上次一樣，其實這並不是天主的意思。但我希望越來越清楚的是，到那一刻，我還沒有將神父視為我的一種選擇，我在腦海中知道這是好的，但我的內心並不確信它是真正美妙的東西。

最終，天主打破局面。回想起來，我相信祂在前兩件事中已在我內心的土壤埋下聖召的種子。在那次與耶穌聖心相遇一事發生幾個月後，我碰巧參加了另一個青年避靜。在這個特別的退省中心，通往小聖堂的走廊外面，牆上掛著一幅基督的畫像，就在向西面的窗戶對面。某一個下午，我離開教堂，發現自己站在這張聖像畫前，陽光從天空中的射下來的角度，我與影像當時的距離，加上基督於聖像畫上的位置，巧妙地，我的身影正好落在祂的影子內。美妙之處在於從聖像畫的玻璃上，根本看不到我的面貌輪廓反射出來，只有基督的面孔在我的輪廓位置上反射出來。

就在那時，司鐸職的美妙觸動了我。當天主召叫一個人成為司鐸時，祂非常渴望改變他，以至於每次你看到這個人時，你不再看到這個人，而是看見耶穌基督自己。當天主召叫一個人成為司鐸時，祂可以大大改變這個人，使耶穌可以透過他再次活出祂生命的奧秘。

正是在那一刻，我終於真正體驗到做神父是多麼美好。因為它是如此美麗，如果天主願意的話，微小的我終於開放自己，願意接受這種可能性（當然，這並不意味著我突然百分之百渴望成為一名神父，我仍然非常想成為一名兒科醫生，並且結婚）。 然而，這個小小的差距正是上主所需要的。

我在大學的剩餘時間裡，開始在祈禱中提出聖召問題。我常問主是否希望我結婚或成為神父。 令我驚訝的是，我開始注意到我對追求婚姻生活的那份平安越來越少，而對神父的想法卻越來越感到平安和喜樂。在大學的第三年，我有機會在病童醫院工作了一年，我想這會是我最開心的事。但出奇的是，我在那裡工作的時間越長，我就越感到不安，盡管我試圖強迫自己喜歡它。我聯絡了 Chris Lemieux 神父（當時的聖召主任），他邀請我參加了幾次「來，看看吧」 “Come and Sees” 聖召活動。 在神學院，我發現了平日在祈禱中也會出現的那份平安。

隨著大學的學習階段，成為神父的思想慢慢開始主宰我生命中每一個的時刻。說實話，這其實是一件非常煩人的事情。天主就像是個不停煩著你的朋友，不斷地就這個或那個問題「錐你的心」。 無論我去哪裡或做什麼，關於司鐸召叫的想法總是存在。當我醒來時，我在想「要成為神父」。 事實上，最荒謬的是，甚至開始隨意都有人會問我是否考慮成為神父。

Chris Lemieux 神父為我找了一位神師，我的神師幫助我釐清了內心糾結的事。當我在大學的最後一年時，我知道我的心已經在神學院了。到大學最後一年的冬天，我已經與Chris Lemieux 神父聯繫了幾年，直至2017年2月的某個時刻，我們都一致認為，神學院是天主正在我心內寫下的歷險故事。Chris Lemieux 神父遞給我申請表，我申請了，並於 2017年9月被錄取。從那時起，這是一段美妙而充滿恩典的旅程，我迫不及待地想看看主接下來會做什麼。

When I was growing up, priesthood was not something I seriously considered. While I did attend several vocation events while I was in high school, it was not anything serious: I mainly considered it as one of many options God might desire for me in the future. By the time I reached grade 12, I had my sights firmly set on becoming a pediatrician – I concluded that my teenage ruminations about religious life were merely a ‘phase’ I had gone through.

I therefore entered the University of Toronto to study biochemistry with the hopes of getting into medical school. My hoped to become a doctor, and one day get married and start a family. For the entire first year, this was the reality I lived day-by-day: academically, I did just enough such that medical school was a possibility, and I started taking interest in a young lady. As one might imagine, priesthood was not within my top 200 / 300 priorities in life.

The reason I no longer considered priesthood to be God’s vocation for me at that point in university was because I couldn’t see what was beautiful about the vocation of priesthood: in my head, I knew priesthood was important because the priest is how we get Mass and Confession, but in my heart, it was not convicted that there was something deeper there for me. My vocation story really begins in the second year of university, because this was when God started intervening to show me what is so beautiful about the priesthood.

At the end of the fall semester of my second year, I had just finished my exams. I was living in a residence at this time in university. It was near the end of December, and I had no more classes the next day. Therefore, after I returned to my dorm, I did what most uni students would do to celebrate (if they are not partying): I locked myself in my room and spent the night watching YouTube. I’m a sports guy, so I looked at highlight after highlight. Curiously, at one point late in the night, a vocations video popped up on the recommended feed at the side. It was one I had seen before in high school, so it was not like there would have been any content in it that would have surprised me. It was almost 3 am by this point, and since I had no commitments the next day, I pressed the video and watched. To my surprise, about halfway through the video, there came a line from Mark 6:34 that said, “Jesus got off the boat and saw the crowd, and His Heart was moved with compassion for them, for they were sheep without a shepherd.” For whatever reason, that line struck me very, very deeply: I found myself crying in front of my laptop. I had no idea why I was reacting this way, but I was profoundly moved.

However, I did not see this as God inviting me to the priesthood. To provide some context, I had just taken over as the leader of the youth group at my home parish, so I thought this was God’s invitation to me to do a good job. I resolved to do so, put the incident out of my mind, and continued living life as usual.

Of course, this was not what God wanted.

A few months later, I found myself praying in front of a beautifully painted image of the Sacred Heart of Jesus – it is painted such that it looks like He is staring right into your soul. As I was gazing at Him and Him at me, very suddenly, within the span of a second, all of the faces of the young people I was serving in the parish at that time flashed in my mind, and I heard a voice in my heart say, “in the future, these will be sheep without a shepherd. Who will take care of them?” I remember once again being very moved by that experience, and found myself in tears again.

Like the first incident though, I did not consider this a call to consider the priesthood. To provide further context, the youth leader position at my parish back then had one-year terms, after which the leader could discern if God was asking him to do another year. I took this incident to mean God was asking me to do two, which I resolved to do. I therefore once more put the incident out from my mind, and continued life as usual.

Like last time, this was not what God had in mind. But I hope it is becoming clear that I just did not consider priesthood as an option for me up to that point: I knew in my head it was good, but my heart was not convicted that it was something genuinely beautiful.

Finally though, God broke through. In retrospect, I believe He was tilling the soil of my heart with the first two incidents. A few months after the event with the Sacred Heart, I happened to be on a young adult retreat. At this particular retreat center, outside in the hallway leading to the chapel was a portrait of Christ hanging on the wall just opposite the window facing west. I exited the chapel late one afternoon, and I found myself in front of this picture. The sun was the right angle in the sky, I happened to be the right distance from the image, and Christ was in the right spot of the portrait, such that my shadow fell exactly within His shadow. The beautiful thing was that you did not see my features reflected off the glass pane of the portrait at all: only Christ’s features came through the silhouette.

It was then that the beauty of the priesthood hit me: when God calls a man to be a priest, He desires to transform him so much that every time you see this person, you no longer see the man, but only Jesus Christ Himself. When God calls a man to be a priest, He can transform that man so much such that Jesus can live the mysteries of His life again through him.

It was at that moment that I finally genuinely knew the priesthood is deeply beautiful. And because it is so beautiful, a small part of me was finally open to the possibility if God so wished (of course, this did not mean I suddenly desired 100% to be a priest: I very much still wanted to be a pediatrician and get married). That little gap though, was all God needed.

Over the rest of my undergraduate, I began bringing up the vocation question in prayer. I often asked the Lord whether He wanted me to be married or to be a priest. To my surprise, I began to notice I experienced less and less peace with married life, and more and more peace + joy with the thought of priesthood. I had a chance to work at Sick Kids hospital for one year during my third year of studies, and I thought that this would make me most happy. Shockingly, the longer I worked there, the more restless I felt, even though I tried to force myself to love it. I got in contact with Fr Chris Lemieux (the Vocations Director at the time), and he invited me to go on a couple Come and Sees. At the seminary, I discovered this same peace that was coming up in prayer. As undergrad progressed, the thoughts of priesthood slowly began dominating every waking moment of my life. To be honest, it was actually kind of very annoying. It was almost as if God was acting like the annoying friend who constantly ‘jabs you’ about this issue or that issue. No matter where I went or what I did, the thoughts of priesthood were always there: when I woke up, I was thinking ‘priesthood.’ When I was taking the TTC – ‘priesthood.’ When I was in virology class, or at the lab, or walking through campus, or helping at church, it was always ‘priesthood.’ In fact, it got so ridiculous that even random people began asking if I had ever considered becoming a priest.

Fr Chris connected me with a spiritual director, and my spiritual director helped me sort out what was going on interiorly. By the time it was my last year of studies, I knew my heart lay in the seminary. By the winter of my last year of university, I had been in contact with Fr Chris for a couple years, and at one point in February of 2017, we both mutually agreed that the seminary was the next right step in the adventure God was writing in my heart. Fr Chris passed me the application form, I applied, and was accepted in September of 2017. It has been a wonderful and grace filled journey since then, and I cannot wait to see what the Lord has in store next.

英語原文：Fr. Jeremy Zou

中文翻譯：Rodney Leung